Part 19: I was watching, with one eye on the other side.
If I am humble, quiet and ponder life as it parades before me, I am trampled by over the top personalities and agendas.
If I am loud and stake my claim in the world and fight for what I believe in, I am seen as a mess and too much hard work.
Goodness me, there's a cheery opening. Where's the party?
I am beginning to know exactly what I want from life. Or should I say, I am beginning to listen to myself, and understand.
I am not a Take What I Want sort of a guy, though I believe in mental projection. Put it out there and it will come. Fuck you Kevin Costner. Go hit a baseball or something. A potato perchance.
And on the internerd it is written that I am an ass. And yea, the truth is spoken. And there is a fine line between being an ass and being a dick. And walking a tightrope sometimes brings out my ass.
Hmmm.
I haven't written because instead of taking time to reflect and share, I have taken time to actually DO. To work on myself and to work hard at my jobs. To right wrongs, financial and emotional. And I have accepted the humble pie and eaten it. Eaten it good. And the voice, the ego, it's not as loud anymore, and it's easier to ignore when it speaks. Though, ying pong tiddly I po, it's not fucking dead man. Because you need it every now and again. For drive reasons. For the AMBITION and self belief. And for PROTECTION.
But here I be, and I don't know, I'm thinking of heading back into Hell. I'm thinking about where I've been and where I'm headed and while I think, I lower my thumb and the headlights scream past in the rain. And I don't want the first lift that comes along, I want the one that's headed where I'm headed. Just means I'll get rained on for a while.
Coming down is a curious thing. It seems like the end of the cycle, you've been up and now you come down. But the cycle never ends, and tomorrow, I'm ready to start curving skyward. A fire proof Icarus baby. Headed for shiny and grinning with every beat of my wings.
And there are people who can never look at me the same, and that's a shame. But that goes both ways too, for there are people who can never look at me the same, and that's fucking cool.
I had to take a break. But I've missed this, and I'll make sure I find the time to return, because my brain, twisted little fuck that it is, says to me, that someone has got to be themselves on here. Warts and all. Normally sober or not.
*bounces*
x
I hope that you are happy.
If I am loud and stake my claim in the world and fight for what I believe in, I am seen as a mess and too much hard work.
Goodness me, there's a cheery opening. Where's the party?
I am beginning to know exactly what I want from life. Or should I say, I am beginning to listen to myself, and understand.
I am not a Take What I Want sort of a guy, though I believe in mental projection. Put it out there and it will come. Fuck you Kevin Costner. Go hit a baseball or something. A potato perchance.
And on the internerd it is written that I am an ass. And yea, the truth is spoken. And there is a fine line between being an ass and being a dick. And walking a tightrope sometimes brings out my ass.
Hmmm.
I haven't written because instead of taking time to reflect and share, I have taken time to actually DO. To work on myself and to work hard at my jobs. To right wrongs, financial and emotional. And I have accepted the humble pie and eaten it. Eaten it good. And the voice, the ego, it's not as loud anymore, and it's easier to ignore when it speaks. Though, ying pong tiddly I po, it's not fucking dead man. Because you need it every now and again. For drive reasons. For the AMBITION and self belief. And for PROTECTION.
But here I be, and I don't know, I'm thinking of heading back into Hell. I'm thinking about where I've been and where I'm headed and while I think, I lower my thumb and the headlights scream past in the rain. And I don't want the first lift that comes along, I want the one that's headed where I'm headed. Just means I'll get rained on for a while.
Coming down is a curious thing. It seems like the end of the cycle, you've been up and now you come down. But the cycle never ends, and tomorrow, I'm ready to start curving skyward. A fire proof Icarus baby. Headed for shiny and grinning with every beat of my wings.
And there are people who can never look at me the same, and that's a shame. But that goes both ways too, for there are people who can never look at me the same, and that's fucking cool.
I had to take a break. But I've missed this, and I'll make sure I find the time to return, because my brain, twisted little fuck that it is, says to me, that someone has got to be themselves on here. Warts and all. Normally sober or not.
*bounces*
x
I hope that you are happy.
posted by Sherriff at 2:09 AM
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