Part 5
Soundtrack: Flaming Lips / Yoshimi battles the pink robots
I haven't checked in for a while.
********
When I stood on the top deck of the boat, ten maybe fifteen feet above the water, I got the vertigo, the prickly fear, the nothing will go wrong but still my stomach wants to scream at me WHAT ARE YOU DOING? fear.
Below I could see two ducks. And as I was waiting for them to slide from my chosen path I looked directly ahead. At the mountains surrounding the lake. At the horizon, where blue meets green without a hint of red. And as I jumped I thought:
EVERYTHING
It's true, I thought everything. And it sounded like this:
......
I hit the water, the fear was gone.
********
Ever felt suspended in mid-air? Ever felt like you've jumped, you did it, you jumped, but the results aren't in yet, you haven't landed. Is it a shatter crack crash or a soft embrace? You won't know until you hit the bottom, and you thought it was close, so why the fuck are you still suspended? Ever felt that?
You have?
Weirdo.
********
I used to have a blog. It got, umm, weird. It got all serious and cryptic. Which is fine like, but it didn't start out that way. It started with a post on Love. Then it was about sex and drugs, until finally, it became extremely introspective and...it died.
Did Hell go to Heaven?
I don't think so. I think the Hotel is a halfway house.
Lately hasn't been about fuck up and get better, fuck up and get better. It's been about keeping level, keeping sane, keeping nice. Which was always my worst nightmare.
Flatness.
Except, I'm starting to see that a straight line leads to peace and quiet. And the Englishman in me can appreciate that every now and again.
********
This morning the fires of Hell are lapping at my door. I place a wet towel under it and hold myself tight because a thought can only keep you so safe, so loved.
I haven't checked in for a while.
********
When I stood on the top deck of the boat, ten maybe fifteen feet above the water, I got the vertigo, the prickly fear, the nothing will go wrong but still my stomach wants to scream at me WHAT ARE YOU DOING? fear.
Below I could see two ducks. And as I was waiting for them to slide from my chosen path I looked directly ahead. At the mountains surrounding the lake. At the horizon, where blue meets green without a hint of red. And as I jumped I thought:
EVERYTHING
It's true, I thought everything. And it sounded like this:
......
I hit the water, the fear was gone.
********
Ever felt suspended in mid-air? Ever felt like you've jumped, you did it, you jumped, but the results aren't in yet, you haven't landed. Is it a shatter crack crash or a soft embrace? You won't know until you hit the bottom, and you thought it was close, so why the fuck are you still suspended? Ever felt that?
You have?
Weirdo.
********
I used to have a blog. It got, umm, weird. It got all serious and cryptic. Which is fine like, but it didn't start out that way. It started with a post on Love. Then it was about sex and drugs, until finally, it became extremely introspective and...it died.
Did Hell go to Heaven?
I don't think so. I think the Hotel is a halfway house.
Lately hasn't been about fuck up and get better, fuck up and get better. It's been about keeping level, keeping sane, keeping nice. Which was always my worst nightmare.
Flatness.
Except, I'm starting to see that a straight line leads to peace and quiet. And the Englishman in me can appreciate that every now and again.
********
This morning the fires of Hell are lapping at my door. I place a wet towel under it and hold myself tight because a thought can only keep you so safe, so loved.
posted by Sherriff at 8:33 PM
1 Comments:
I think that post made the most sense to me out of anything I've read of yours. To sound like a Poetry teacher wanker, it resonated with me the most.
But then again, I've been out drinking with Glaswegian artists.But I think that probably makes me more on your level.
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